In this conversation, your goal should be to move away from talking about the president. People tend to have very strong opinions about elected officials like Barack Obama, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton that increase reactivity and reduce rationality. In general, talking about specific political figures gets in the way of productive dialogue. If you want someone to hear what you have to say, you first need to make him feel safe. Smugly highlighting inconsistencies in Uncle Bot’s statements will make him angry and defensive, which will reduce his capacity for rationality, open-mindedness and empathy. Truly exceptional reflections are met with, “Exactly! I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Good reflections paraphrase what the other person said and highlight emotions. After Uncle Bot shares his point of view, it’s important to check and show your understanding by reflecting what you heard. Asking people about their own experiences in a nonjudgmental way is an especially good opening because it gives them an opportunity to talk about a subject they care and know more about: themselves. Questions are powerful because they make people feel safe, demonstrate respect, gather useful information, contribute to understanding, elicit empathy, build relationships and encourage self-reflection. The easiest way to do that is by asking questions – ones that are non-threatening, open-ended and non-leading. The goal at this point is to start a conversation. That’s a problem because people tend not be persuaded by contrary evidence and may even end up believing more strongly in their original position. The DOTS project used for the presentation Converting Your Game to DOTS and contains an example of how DOTS could be used to replace a low performance process in your games (shooting many bullets at once, in this case). This will turn the conversation into a debate over facts and figures.
The goal is to have a conversation, not fight. In addition, the exclamation point suggests scorn and exasperation which will make the Uncle Bot angry. This argumentative response will turn the conversation into a debate where you and Uncle Bot seek to score points and “win” rather than learn from each other or collaborate to elucidate the truth.
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